By Madison Forrest
Boston University News Service
This is the question Gen Z is asking themselves.
Well, not literally, but modern dating has become a confusing, isolating, and algorithm-dictated experience that many are seeking to escape. “Stoop Dating,” an online dating show, provides these lost individuals with a break by offering a first date with a stranger, on a Southie stoop. Although unconventional, this stoop has brought together more than just the couples on these dates.
Julz Radely, founder and host of “Stoop Dating,” hates online dating, describing it as superficial. The host tried a dating app once, but deleted it a week later. “It makes you feel disposable,” Radley said.
“When I first moved here, I sat outside a lot on different stoops with neighbors and friends and random people that I met in Boston,” she said. Radley and her friends even use “stoop” as a verb to describe the action of sitting on these steps. She realized how “stooping” could be a real way to meet people in Southie.
“A lot of people hide behind a screen and are afraid to just talk to people,” she said. “And I want to bring that back.”
Radley first came up with the idea for “Stoop Dating” in December 2024, and soon after, the show premiered on Mar. 3, 2025.
Radley has called Boston home for a little over a year now. She moved here for her job at Shadow Lion, a creative studio, where she edits and shoots — skills she has brought to “Stoop Dating.”
Radley isn’t the only person behind this project — the “Stoop Dating” team also consists of Mark Roszkowski, in charge of marketing and analytics, and Devin McCarthy and Mary Rosas, the matchmakers.
The set’s steps are made of brown brick, with a concrete slab on top. The guests of the show sit on the grey concrete, one to the left, the other to the right. About one to two steps above them, sits Radley, as the host. Her positivity is radiant, and her questions couple well with her light-hearted laughter. She asks questions about relationship preferences and past experiences, keeping the energy fun but thought-provoking.
“There’s so many rules in dating nowadays… and with Stoop Dating I’m just like, ‘Be yourself,’ because you can’t do the wrong thing in front of your person,” Radley said.
TikTok has become an echo chamber of new dating customs and beliefs: the three-month rule, “if he wanted to, he would,” the consensus that a man’s first love stays forever in his head, the vast range of relationship statuses, and the trend of swiping on apps rather than meeting people in real life. They all have created a new way of dating. The three-month rule means that if either party in a relationship is unsure about it or not fully committed by three months then they should separate.
A “situationship” is a modern term for an emotional entanglement that lacks the markers of a traditional relationship, like public status, loyalty, guaranteed love, and defined boundaries. “If he wanted to, he would” serves as a call-for-reality mantra that argues that if a man wanted to do something for his partner, he would. Another popular belief is that the first love a man has will forever be in their mind, even while in new relationships.
These invented truths are getting repeated and shared with the masses on TikTok. Although they are not true in all cases, people still take them as concrete facts because they are repeated so often, seeming solidified into the collective consciousness of the internet.
Dating apps sound like the perfect solution to finding a partner, at a time where in person dating has depreciated. People now rely on dating apps rather than meeting naturally or even approaching each other in real life. The apps are convenient and formulaically flawless — dozens of options at the swipe of a finger, with even premium versions available at a fixed price.
Radley is not a fan of the swiping-for-love method. “What I hate about it is how surface-leveled it is… You can just swipe left, swipe right, write someone off solely based on appearance,” she said.
“I don’t think we should be chasing an ideal version of ourselves that fits society,” Radley said. “With ‘Stoop Dating,’ it’s just chasing who you are genuinely at your core.”
Gabby Gutierez is a 21-year-old public relations student at Emerson College. She has been on and off the dating app, Hinge since she was 17, back in Miami, Florida. At the time, her profile said she was 18.
“I don’t use Hinge, thinking I’m gonna find the love of my life,” Gutierez said. “I just think it’s entertaining and kind of like fun to see what’s out there… Honestly, it builds character.”
Gutierez said guys normally use the app thinking they’ll “get laid.”
She unmatches once those intentions are clear. “Sometimes they won’t even want to take you on a date. They’re just like, ‘Do you want to come over?’ And I’m like, we literally don’t know each other,” she said.
More often than not, Gutierez does not leave the comfort of her bed when it comes to Hinge, instead viewing the dating app as a game.
When she goes on a date, the guy needs to be funny with good banter. “Hinge is what you make it,” Gutierez said. “But if you’re on there looking for [a] deep connection, you’ll probably be disappointed.”
Although Gutierez uses Hinge, she prefers to be asked out in person, and noted how different the dating culture in Boston seems compared to her hometown, Miami.
Unsure whether it is because the places she goes out in Boston are different from those back home or the implications of living in a time with dating apps, Gutierez noticed that fewer guys approach girls in Boston.
“Maybe they’re getting their validation from the apps,” she said. “So when they’re out with their friends, they don’t care to do it.”
The TikTok belief that resonates with her most is that a man’s first love stays in his head. Gutierez remembers seeing this rule first-hand, years ago. Gutierez was in a two-year relationship at 19, during which she felt insecure about her then-partner ’s ex — simply because of this belief circulating on social media.
“Every guy I talk to seriously…when they talk about their first girlfriend, I’m paying such close attention to their mannerisms and the way they tell the story,” she said.
Gutierez, like many Gen Z daters, overthink these beliefs. “I’ll literally go into a spiral about it. And think way too hard about it,” she said. “I would definitely say it makes me hold back a little bit, like when I’m overthinking everything. You’re just not being yourself, or showing or saying everything you want to say.”
Meredith Lindsey and Jacob Kester, both 24, met on “Stoop Dating” in mid-October — their episode was posted on the 20th of that month. They first met on the select stoop in Southie in front of a camera, around eight people, including friends and passersby.
The stoop was the stepping stone for a relationship that has lasted over a month so far. “Me and Mer had a lot of similar answers,” Kester, who referred to Lindsey as “Mer,” said. “We both had the same approach: show up, have fun, and hopefully the other person isn’t weird.”
Kester felt like putting himself out there by signing up for “Stoop Dating.” Lindsey signed up after having trouble with online dating. She believes people should meet organically, and most importantly, in person.
“On the dating apps, if you’re not immediately matching and immediately messaging and making a plan within 72 hours, it gets lost in the hundreds of people you’re seeing,” Lindsey said. “It’s almost like a game.”
Lindsey and Kester appreciated the community aspect of “Stoop Dating.”
“Everybody thinks there are options [on dating apps] when there really aren’t,” Kester said. “A dating app doesn’t actually create options; it gives you an out.”
Lindsey said that dating apps have negatively impacted Gen Z’s perception of dating and self-esteem. “I don’t think it’s good for confidence or for our generation,” she said. “And I don’t think it’s good for how men treat women and how women accept that treatment.”
Although it has just been a month, the couple has created a routine schedule that works with seeing each other— Wednesdays and the weekends.
Kester said, “Her humor, wit, the way she’s able to quick-think. She’s caring. She keeps me on my toes.”
“He notices very small things. Very much a gentleman… he opens the car door, goes on the street side, just sweet little things,” Lindsey said.
For Lindsey and Kester, “Stoop Dating” provided an alternative to the algorithm of the modern dating scene and reminded them of the importance of connection. For Radley, that’s the point of the show.
“Stoop Dating” is not a reconstruction of modern dating, but a redirection that encourages a relationship to flourish by design rather than get lost amid all the other options: a common experience on dating apps.
“As much as it’s made other people happy, it’s made me so happy,” Radley said. “The dream would be a stoop marriage.”
